Friday night a bar and the SuperSmashBros
by Lone Wolf8
Summary: The finale. It's lousy, don't even read it if you don't want to.
1. Default Chapter

Mwahahahaha, I return and this time with a Humor Fanfic for all to fear, I'm actually in this one! Zelda: Uh, Lonewolf, you're scaring the nice people. Good, let all tremble before my bad attempt at humor! Zelda: *Sighs and walks*  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Super Smash Bros. Melee nor any characters represented in it.  
  
^_^ Okie doke you may now proceed to read.  
  
Friday Night at the Smash Bros. Bar!  
  
Loud laughter echoed through the bar, the Lost Woods theme from Ocarina of Time player on the old time Juke Box, the crack of billiard balls filled the air and the commentary about a wrestling match echoed from the television up in the corner.  
  
Pikachu: ~ sits on a barstool next to Young Link. The small electric pokemon was doing his best to persuade Y.Link NOT to try and steal an alcoholic beverage. ~  
  
The disturbingly bad humor fanfic writer, Lonewolf, was running the bar that night and the way Pikachu figured it even if Lonewolf did see Y.Link steal a beer, or some other drink he was far to young, to try he wouldn't do anything about it.  
  
Young Link: ~ glances around ~ Young Link's older self was busy hitting on Zelda, and anyone else that might try to stop him was either watching the television or playing pool. Now was his time to strike!  
  
Pikachu: Pikaaaa...  
  
Y.Link: Aw, relax Pikachu, it's just ONE little drink.  
  
Pikachu: Chuuuuuu.  
  
Y.Link: ~ sticks out his tongue at the yellow rodent and then snatches a bottle of Bourbon the bartender has carelessly left on the counter. ~  
  
Pikachu: O_O  
  
Pikachu: Pi! Pi, Pika, Piii, Pikachu!  
  
Pikachu: ~ dives for the bottle in Young Link's hand ~  
  
Young Link: ~ yanks the bottle away and watches poor Pikachu go flying over the counter and straight into a pyramid style stack of freshly cleaned beer mugs ~  
  
The crash of breaking glass fills the bar. Everyone freezes and turns their heads to look towards the bar.  
  
Young Link: ~ sitting innocently on a barstool whistling along to the jukebox and pointing a finger toward Pikachu ~  
  
LW: ~ comes charging from the back of the Bar ~ What happened, who's hurt, where's the body!?  
  
Now everyone turned to stare at the deranged Author.  
  
LW: Uhmm.. Hi Everybody!  
  
Crickets chirped during the eerie silence that followed.  
  
Link: ~ turns his gaze to his younger self. ~ Mini me. What were you and Pikachu doing? ¬_¬  
  
Y.Link: Uhmm. Nuttin'? ^_^  
  
Link: ~ eyes his double suspiciously ~  
  
Y. Link: Uh. I gotta use the little Link's room! ~Jumps off his stool and runs to the bathroom sneaking the bottle of Bourbon with him ~  
  
Link: ~ looks to his fellow pool players: Roy, Fox, and Falco. ~  
  
Fox: Don't look at else, he's your doppelganger.  
  
Link: He's NOT a doppelganger he's me seven years ago!  
  
Falco: Heh, dude, the you from seven years ago should not be with the you now.  
  
Fox: ~ nods in agreement ~  
  
Roy: ~ blinks ~ So. Wait, that means Mini Link is working for Queen Dopplepopulus?  
  
Fox, Falco, & Link: ~ stare at him blankly ~  
  
LW: Drinks on the house for anybody who drinks from a chipped beer mug! ~ Realizes his mistake as everybody stampedes over him to get to the beer ~  
  
Half an hour later  
  
Zelda and Peach: ~ walk into the bar and stop dead in their tracks at the strange sight ~  
  
Falco, Roy, Capt. Falcon, Link: ~ singing while sloshing there beer mugs around ~ Nooooo Boddieee knoooows! How dry I aaaaam!  
  
Zelda: ~ glares at Lonewolf. ~ This is your fault, I know it is.  
  
LW: ^_^ Well. I might have had a hand in it. But they're the ones that demanded more drinks!!  
  
Fox: ~ Looks to Zelda and Peach while sipping his beer, still sober ~ Lonewolf's giving out free beer 'cause Pikachu chipped a dozen beer mugs.  
  
Zelda: ~ sighs ~ I knew he was responsible for this.  
  
LW: ~ whistles innocently ~  
  
Peach: ~ happily ~ Well at least Mario wasn't here when it started. ^_^  
  
LW: o_o' Uh... Actually. he's in the back. He and Luigi dropped a weasel down the sink after about three drinks and now they're trying to get it back out.  
  
Peach: ~ glares at him and pulls out her frying pan ~  
  
Fox: ~ looks from Peach to Lonewolf ~ Dude. Run.  
  
LW: ~ bolts for the men's room, hopefully a place she won't enter ~  
  
Peach: ~ glares at the door and then sticks her frying pan somewhere behind her back causing it to disappear ~  
  
Capt. Falcon: Whoa. Cool she made it vanish!  
  
Peach: ~ blinks ~ I always make it vanish.  
  
Capt. Falcon: Yeah I know but this time I s'posed to be drunk so I figured I'd be more surprised by it.  
  
Everyone who's sober: ~ stare at Falcon in shock at his sudden logical statement. ~  
  
Capt. Falcon: Uh. ~ breaks into song once more ~ Noooo booooody knoooooows, how dry I aaaaaaaam!  
  
Zelda & Peach: ~ sigh in resignation and sit down in a booth ~  
  
LW: ~ walks back out of the men's room dragging a green clad figure ~ he's drunk! He's totally smashed! He's wasted! ~ drops Y. Link to the ground near Fox's bar stool ~  
  
Y. Link: ~ grins stupidly up at LW and Fox ~ Hi fuzzy woodland creature.  
  
Pikachu: ~ sighs ~ Chu, Pikachu.  
  
Fox & LW: ~ stare at Pikachu not understanding a word he said. ~  
  
Pikachu: Pika! .  
  
LW: Huh?  
  
???: The small rodent said that the child stole a bottle of Bourbon and drank it in the Restroom.  
  
The Bar door swung open and Mewtwo hovered into the establishment.  
  
Fox: Oh great it's Captain Complex.  
  
LW: Captain Complex?  
  
Fox: He likes two use bigger words that even Slippy uses.  
  
LW: Oooooooh. ~ blinks ~ So what?  
  
Fox: Nevermind. -. -  
  
Zelda: ~ crouching over Y. Link ~ He drank Bourbon? ~ Turns to LW ~ How could he drink Bourbon!? He's not even 21, he shouldn't even be able to reach Bourbon!  
  
LW: ~ hides behind Fox ~ Fox dun let her hurt me!  
  
Fox: ~ looks at his buddy ~ Uh. ~ looks at Zelda angry face and jumps of his stool ~ He's all yours Princess.  
  
LW: Traitor! ~ runs into the men's room again ~  
  
Mewtwo: Well... That was amusing.  
  
Zelda: ~ turns her withering glare towards Mewtwo ~ You find something amusing about a child getting drunk!?  
  
Mewtwo: ~ matter-of-factly ~ No. I find it amusing that the Author would run from you.  
  
Mario: ~ comes running out from the back of the bar with a weasel clinging to his nose by it's teeth ~ Mamamia get is off-a my nose-a!  
  
Peach: O_O Mario!  
  
Mario: Peach, help-a me!  
  
Luigi: ~ charges out of the back room spinning his arms wildly ~ Don't-a worry bro, I'll-a save you!  
  
Mario raced around the room screaming Luigi chased after him trying to save him from the killer Weasel. Peach watched in terror that her beloved plumber hero might need plastic surgery to repair his nose. 


	2. Frying Pan Weasel Mario's Nose ?

Ah the glories of a Friday night at a Bar.  
  
Zelda: I thought you hated Bars?  
  
^_^; Yeah well, I like this one. It's humorous.  
  
Zelda: You made Link's younger self get drunk.  
  
Yeah I know! Wasn't that great?  
  
Zelda: -.- Just start the story.  
  
Okay! I don't own SSB: M don't sue me! Oh and send more reviews!  
  
Mario: Get it-a off-a me!  
  
Luigi: Lean-a green-a Machine to the rescue! ~ tackles Mario and wrestles with him, trying to pull off the weasel ~  
  
All Smashes: ~ watch the strange battle ~  
  
Roy: Snickers  
  
Link: ~ blinks ~ Aw, Deku nuts, my beer's empty.  
  
Zelda: ~ swoops from somewhere in the shadows and snatches the bottle ~ Now that you're done drinking help me bring you back to reality!  
  
Link: ~ looks terribly confused ~ Say wha?  
  
Zelda: ~ scowls and points at Y. Link ~  
  
Y. Link: ~ watching the Mario Bros. ~ Plumber man hash very long fury nose.  
  
Link: Mini me is fine, he'll just be reeeally sick tomorrow.  
  
Zelda: ~ scowls even more, if that's possible ~  
  
Link: Hey better he tosses his cookies tomorrow in our bathroom then tonight on me!  
  
Zelda: Hmm. Link if you help me make him better I'll- ~ whispers something in Link's ear ~  
  
Link: ~ eyes widen ~ Deal! ~ runs over to his underage self and picks him up, then gently carries him over to the couch by the television ~  
  
Zelda: ~ sweet princess tone ~ Thank you Link. ~ thinks to herself 'yeah like I'll really do THAT just cause he's looking after himself!' ~  
  
Mewtwo: ~ glides up beside the Zelda ~ If it will end your pathetic emotional display Princess I could easily dissolve the effects of the young humans consumption of alcoholic beverages.  
  
Zelda: ~ blinks ~ You could do that?  
  
Mewtwo: ~ nods, now taking on a sort of "of course I can" demeanor ~  
  
Zelda: Please do so!  
  
Mewtwo: ~ glides over to the two Links and pushes the adult one aside telepathically ~  
  
Y. Link: Cool cat guy hash a poiple tail!  
  
Mewtwo: Quite so. ~ waves a hand over the boys face as though using the Jedi Mind trick ~  
  
Y. Link: ~ blinks slightly and shakes his head ~ Hey what the.Where's my Bour-. Uh ooooh...  
  
Zelda & Link: ~ look at Y. Link as if he's just committed the highest of sins ~  
  
Y. Link: I don't suppose you two are scowling at someone behind me?  
  
Mewtwo: They aren't. ~ turns to Zelda ~ He's currently trying to think of a way to escape the bar, you'd best watch him closely. ~ glides off to continue watching the amusing display between the weasel and the Mario brothers ~  
  
Luigi: I've almost-a got it! ~ yank roughly on the weasel which in turn is yanking roughly on Mario's bloody honker of a nose ~  
  
Mario: Luigi stop-a it-a hurts!  
  
Luigi: No! I've almost got it!  
  
Peach: ~ takes out her frying pan and smacks Luigi off of her beloved mustachioed man ~  
  
Luigi: X.x ~ goes flying into a pool table unconscious ~  
  
Peach: Okay Mario. ~ lifts up her frying pan ~ Just hold absolutely still.  
  
Mario: Mamamia, Peach-a wait a second!  
  
Peach: Just hold still! ~ brings the frying pan down on the weasel and Mario's face with a loud clang ~  
  
Mario: oooooh. My-a head she-a rings like the moon-a hit-a my eye like a big-a pizza pie.  
  
All Smashers: O_O  
  
Peach: ~ Picks up the unconscious weasel (I don't like having animals die) and takes it outside ~ There, much better.  
  
Well Mario was saved from the Weasel and Y. Link's no longer drunk. Sounds kinda dull now don't it? Don't you worry, not all the Smashers have a arrived yet!  
  
Zelda: Oh that can't be good news. Review this chapter or he'll make me get beat up in a Melee Match!  
  
Hey stop spreading lies about me! 


	3. BUM BUM BUUUUM!

Hey I'm back! I promised I would be!  
  
Zelda: No you didn't.  
  
O_o; Uh... uhmmm.  
  
Zelda: ^_^  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own SSB: M you know that by now!  
  
The Bar door swung open and in stepped. Ganondorf!  
  
Cheesy dramatic music Bum Bum Bum!  
  
Everyone: ~ look around for the source of the music ~  
  
Ganondorf: ~ walks into the bar ignoring the music and grabs a bottle of Hylian Ale from behind the Bar top ~  
  
LW: ~ appears from somewhere ~ Hey are you gonna pay for that!?  
  
Ganondorf: Hmm. No. ~ turns to the author with a menacing look ~ Is that a problem?  
  
LW: Uh, no, no sir your Evilness.  
  
Ganondorf: Good.  
  
Fox: ~ mutters ~ Wimp.  
  
LW: ~ glares at Fox ~  
  
Ganondorf: ~ drinks the bottle dry in two exceedingly large gulps ~  
  
Zelda: Ugh! That is so rude.  
  
Ganondorf: ~ smirks ~ What are ya gonna do sic your precious boyfriend on me?  
  
Link: ~ Jumps up and reaches for his sword ~  
  
Zelda: ~ lays a hand on Link's arm ~ I'll handle this. ~ she scowled at Ganondorf then in a wisp of smoke she vanished, replaced by the martial artist known as Sheik.  
  
Sheik: ~ lunges forward and knocks Ganondorf off his stool, then proceeds to clean his clock with surprising ease ~  
  
Everyone: O_O  
  
Sheik: ~ stands, dusts herself off, and then transforms back into Zelda ~  
  
Ganondorf: X_x  
  
At that moment the bar door swung open and in stomped. Bowser!  
  
Cheesy Dramatic Music Bum Bum BUM!  
  
Fox: ~ looks around for the source ~ Where does that keep coming from!?  
  
LW: ~ answers the phone as it begins to ring ~ Hello? No. NO! Yes. YES! I'm certain there is no Mya Buttstinks at this bar!  
  
Everyone: ~ stare at LW ~  
  
Bowser: ~ looks to Ganondorf, then at the Mario brothers all three are still unconscious ~ Did I miss something?  
  
Hiyo! The baddies have arrived. Granted the green one with the nose the size of Rhode Island is unconscious but now things might get more interesting! And there's still one more chapter. Maybe two more.  
  
Zelda: But almost all the Smasher's have already arrived.  
  
Not my Favorite one.  
  
Zelda: I thought I was your favorite one!?  
  
Nope, Samus is the best.  
  
Zelda: ~ turns into Sheik ~  
  
Eep! Review please!!! ~ runs off with Sheik hot on his tail ~ 


	4. The Finale

Hey I'm back. Thanks to inspirations from a friend, Shadow Tsunami and her friend Rinoa.  
  
Zelda: Oh great more competition. -_-  
  
What competition? Samus is my favorite you're a very close second that's how it is.  
  
Zelda: I'm not speaking in your Author notes anymore.  
  
I'll live. Oh yeah and I don't own SSB: M.  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Bowser made his way to the Bar and hoped up on a stool causing it to creak loudly under his weight.  
  
LW: ~ polishing a beer mug with a rag ~ What'll it be Mac?  
  
Bowser: Mac? Who's Mac? ~ looks around ~  
  
LW: -.-; What do ya wanna drink Koopa boy!?  
  
Bowser: Oooh. Beer! Strong Beer!  
  
Marth: ~ appears from somewhere, it wasn't through the front door. ~ Hi everyone!  
  
Roy: ~ drunkenly ~ Hey. Thas the guy. Thish ish the guy. ~ throws and arm around Marth ~  
  
Marth: Uh. Roy are you drunk?  
  
Roy: Me!? Drinking!? .Yesh.  
  
Marth: Cool! ~ grabs a beer off the pool table and guzzles it down. ~  
  
Fox: Dude. Luigi drank from that.  
  
Marth: ~ spews out the beer ~ Oh jebus!  
  
Mario: ~ awakes just in time to hear Fox's words and see Marth spitting out beer ~ Oh-hohoh! You are-a the spitting fountain-a!  
  
Marth: P-tewie! I drank from your brother's beer bottle!  
  
Roy: ~ rolling on the floor laughing uncontrollably ~  
  
Bowser: You two sword swingers are idiots.  
  
Marth: Wha-aaaat!? Die evil lizard! ~ begins slashing against Bowser's impenetrable shell pointlessly ~  
  
LW: ~ sets down a ridiculously over sized beer bottle on the counter ~ That'll be five big ones.  
  
Bowser: ~ stares at the giant beer ~ Cool giant beer..  
  
Marth: ~ still hacking Bowser's shell ~  
  
Bowser: ~ reaches back and grabs Marth's sword ~ Knock it off.  
  
Marth: HEY! Give me back my sword! ~ grabs hold of Bowser's arm, trying to pry free his sword ~  
  
LW: ~ whispers ~ Hey would you two idiots shut up. ~ speaks louder ~ I'm having enough trouble thinking up how to cause more mayhem with out you lame wads yelling.  
  
Mario: You mean-a you're responsible for-a all-a the stuff that's-a been happening!?  
  
LW: Aw crap I said the loud part quiet and the quiet part loud!  
  
Capt. Falcon: Wait, sho yer responsible for Roy, Falco, and I singing?  
  
Y.Link: And Me stealing the bourbon?  
  
Peach: And Mario getting attacked by a Weasel!?  
  
Roy: Don't forget Pikachu jumping into that pile of beer mugs!  
  
All Smashers except Fox: ~ Glare at LW ~  
  
Lw: Uh. I don't suppose you guy would all forget about this if I gave out free boxes of Cracker Jacks?  
  
Fox: ~ looks from his fellow Smash Bros. to Lonewolf ~ I'd say they won't. And ya probably got about ten seconds to run before Mario starts chuckin' Fireballs.  
  
Lw: Uhmm. Bye! ~ zips out the door leaving a cloud of smoke behind like in one of those old Speed Gonzales cartoons ~  
  
Mario: After-a him! ~ dashes out the door quickly pursued by almost all the other smashers ~  
  
Fox: ~ looks at Luigi and Ganondorf who are still knocked out and then looks at Bowser and Marth ~  
  
Marth: ~ still trying to pry his sword out of Bowser's reptilian hand ~  
  
Bowser: ~ sipping his huge beer and clutching the sword ~  
  
Fox: Well that sucked.  
  
Mewtwo: Lonewolf ran out of ideas.  
  
Fox: Gah! What the!? Why are you still here?  
  
Mewtwo: Because there's no point in watching that stupid human get beat up.  
  
Fox: That stupid human happens to have the fearsome power of an author.  
  
Mewtwo: You mean the same fearsome power that got Ganondorf beaten up by someone almost a feet shorter and certainly only half as strong as he is?  
  
Fox: Yeah.  
  
Mewtwo: Hmm. No, not fearsome enough.  
  
Fox: You're completely emotionless you know that?  
  
Mewtwo: Of course I do.  
  
LW: ~ bursts through the door and slams and locks it, then turns to look at the four remaining smashers ~ I lost them in that dark alley that's conveniently blanketed by fog.  
  
Angry Smasher Mob: ~ poudn on the door, Zelda's voice is heard ~ Open the door your coward!  
  
LW: !!! Ladies and Gentleman on behalf of the cast and writer I'd like to thank you for reading this unworthy story that slowly declined in humor.  
  
Fox: YA got that right, this final chapter sucks bad.  
  
LW: I'm trying to end this before the door breaks down McCloud!  
  
Fox: Just makin' a point.  
  
LW: Okay this doors about to give so again on behalf of all of us thanks for reading! Oh and visit me in the hospital! ^_^  
  
Smashers outside: You won't live long enough to get there!  
  
LW: O_O Bye people! ~ runs off ~  
  
The End.  
  
I wanted it over with! Don't hurt me! Oh and don't review either, I know this was really reeeeeally bad. 


End file.
